All I Need
by theseventhweasley
Summary: Set in the middle of Deathly Hallows, Hermione is hurt and heartbroken and thinks back to when Ron left. Hermione's perspective of The Silver Doe chapter. Oneshot


"_I get it. You choose him."_

Those were the last words he said to me, and they have haunted me ever since. The expression on his face as he said it plays over and over in my head. My heart is broken. This feels like the end.

It's been weeks since I last saw him. _Weeks_. And the worst part is I don't know if I will ever see him again. I don't know where he is. I don't know if he's even alive – no – I can't let myself think like that... he's alive. He has to be.

I can't believe I never got a chance to tell him how I feel. Well, no, I had my chances. I just never took them. But I can't help thinking that if he knew how I truly felt, he wouldn't have left.

But how_ do_ you tell your best friend that you've fallen in love with him? What if he was disgusted even by the idea and our friendship was ruined? That was a scary thought. But it seems like I'm in the same boat anyhow. He's gone. Nothing I can say is going to change that now.

I _should_ have told him.

I thought that he might have felt the same way too – before. But now that he's gone I wonder if he ever really cared for me. If he did, how could he just leave me?

I'm a mess. I really am. I know Harry can see it too but I try to pull myself together when he's around. Though sometimes, my expression gives me away. Sometimes, I just can't help it. But I've been getting tougher. I've learnt to hold in my pain till I'm alone.

Like now; Harry is out on watch, probably outside the tent by the sound of it. It's in moments like these that I can let my guard down – when I can let some tears fall that so desperately want to escape.

During the day I try my best to make it through minute by minute. I do whatever I can to forget about the devastating hole in my heart. I try to fill my brain with spells and enchantments and whatever I can do to focus on the task. We _must_ find a way to destroy the horcruxes. I knew that this was going to be a difficult journey, but I thought we would have some kind of lead at least.

Going to Godric's Hollow two nights ago had been a mistake. I'm still amazed that Harry and I made it away with our lives. That had been a _very _close call. And we were still nowhere nearer to finding the sword or any other horcruxes.

Harry is still upset about his wand. I really do feel awful. It was an accident, but still... I hate how it has brought another barrier between us. Our friendship and teamwork was all I had left, and without Ron as part of it...it's just getting harder and harder to make it through.

_Ron_. There, I had thought his name. It brings another jab of pain to my heart. But it numbs everything else too. God, I miss him. I really thought... that he was_ it_ for me. I hate myself for even thinking it. I really am just making everything harder for me.

I still am in shock that he actually left. It was horrible, Harry and him shouting all those terrible things. It was like every negative thought they ever had of each other surfaced at that moment. They were seething they were so angry. And then he took off that wretched locket and expects me to choose between going away with him and staying with Harry. Is that _fair_? Of course I would like nothing better than to run off with him. It wasn't like camping was suiting my fancy either. But I had made a promise to Harry. We had a task ahead, and there was no way that I could just abandon it. It was just the right thing to do. Why couldn't he understand that?

That's when he said it. _"I get it. You choose him." _

I chased him out in the rain. I yelled for him to come back. I screamed him name. I caught up to him just in time to see him turn on spot. His eyes met mine a second before he disapparated. He looked at me like_ I _was a traitor – like_ I_ had just held a mutiny against him. Yet he also looked over come with grief.

Then he was gone. I stood out in the rain sobbing till I was soaked to the bone.

How did this _happen_? How could he do this to me? _How could he do this to me... how could he do this to me..._

"_Hermione. Hermione_. Hermione!"

Harry was calling my name. I must have fallen asleep. I vaguely remembered the dream I just had. Ron had walked into our tent, just like he never left. I was so pleased to see him I dashed into his arms and kissed him full on the mouth. I sighed. _If only._

Harry's voice got a little louder – more urgent - and I sat up immediately, mentally preparing myself for the worst.

"What's wrong? Harry? Are you alright?"

I assessed his expression as my eyes adjusted to the blue light filling the room. He looked positively overjoyed – almost excited. What could this be all about?

"...There's someone here."

I drew a blank. Who could _possibly_ be here? I wouldn't let myself take any guesses; I knew I would just be disappointed. I can't take disappointment anymore.

"What do you mean? Who - ?"

That's when I saw him. Ron. Standing there, soaking wet holding the sword of Gryffindor in his hands.

_This has to be a dream_.

I slide out of the bed, hardly aware of my feet moving at all, and move over to where Ron is standing. I gaze up at him, trying to figure out if it's true - if he is really there in front of me.

It's a surreal moment. It's like all of my dreams and fantasies from the past weeks have suddenly come true in this unexpected fashion.

Ron looks up at me gauging my expression and gives me a little smile, holding his arms out for an expectant hug.

Reality hits. Does he really think he's off _that easy_? Does he have_ any_ idea what I've been through!?

My eyes swell up and the same thought I had before I drifted off to sleep pounds in my mind: _how could he _do_ this to me?!_

Before I know it, I am screaming and hitting Ron forcefully. It's like all the wounds I had attempted to heal from his departure are suddenly ripped open again and I have this pain and heartbreak controlling every word I say; hating Ron for leaving me, hating him for thinking that he can just come back like everything is ok.

I'm out of control. Words are pouring through my mouth that I would never have dared say before. Everything I say is dripping with fury. Harry casts a shield charm between me and Ron. An argument ensues, but eventually I calm down, curiosity getting the better of me as I remain in stony silence listening to Ron's half of the story; how he found us – how he saved Harry's life – how he destroyed the horcrux.

I can't believe all that has happened. It's truly astonishing. I pick up the locket pressing my fingers against the silk lining inside. A stain penetrates the lining looking oddly like blood. I toss the vanquished horcrux into my beaded bag and crawl into my bed without another look at Ron.

I am determined to remain firm. He will _not_ affect me that easily. He can't possibly know how much pain he caused me. Harry might have forgiven him immediately, but_ this_ was different. I _won't_ give in.

But as I turn my face towards the canvas wall of my bunk, I begin to grin. Though I tell myself over and over that I _am_ upset, I can't help feeling overwhelmed with relief that he is back.

_Ron's back;_ I smile again.

And I fall into a dreamless sleep knowing that one way or another, everything is going to be okay.


End file.
